This morning, I felt compelled to go to Mass.

Last night, I felt drawn to the possibility of going this morning; which is funny, because it was Sunday, and I had just celebrated Mass with my incredible parish just hours earlier.

This morning, I got up, washed my hair (literal wash-and-go), and drove to my local coffee shop with my "welcome to the neighborhood, here's a free beverage" coupon I got in the mail. I thought about church all morning, but chose to drive home. About two miles out, I turned around and went to Mass. I have not felt compelled to do this in over 20 years.

I walked out with answers. Not all the answers. God only reveals what we need to know as we need it. With that said, it's been a very painful year for me.

I'm not sure if anyone has noticed that I've been "off" these last two months. Yes, some major life events occurred that, no matter how good they are, are still incredibly stressful. But the problem isn't those events. I am truly blessed.

I have been feeling an incredible emptiness, and it was very strong last night, and it is very strong today. And when I went to Mass this morning, I realized that the only time I have comfort from that emptiness is when I'm in the presence of the Eucharist.

I cry many days. It's not uncommon for me to sob. These aren't tears of sadness. I think they're tears that are the result of the love that I am receiving, love from God, a love that no man could ever even begin to give me, a love so strong that I have a great inability to process it, so I cry.

With that said, I need some time alone. I am going to spend my free time away from gaming and the streaming community. I love you guys and you bring joy to my life, but I need a period of peace and discernment.

I know some of you will feel compelled to reach out to me to offer to talk. I don't need that. My life is amazing and wonderful. What I am going through is not something that a talk will resolve. In fact, it's not something that needs a resolution, as it is a normal part of the Christian life. I am experiencing a dying to my old self so that I can become someone new, whatever it is that I am being called to.

There will be no morning streams this week. I will return with an episode of The Bear Truth on Thursday, and we will return to gaming with Siege on Friday.

I will be present in my Discord, just less so. Please refrain from sending me frivolous DMs, and do not be offended if I choose not to respond. If people are gossiping about me, I don't care. By all means, please enjoy my Discord community.

God is real.